My Greatest Teacher

Friends,

I am as shocked as you

to report Lily

 officially turned 9.

 

In my mind, this equals 1/2 way to 18.

 

What happened?

 

She was just born yesterday!

 

I brought my pink bundle home from the hospital,

9 years ago...

 

White lace and promises...

A kiss for luck and we're on our way...

sharing horizons that were new to us,

watching the signs along the way,

talkin' it over, just the two of us,

working together day to day.

Together.

and yes, we've only just begun!

 

Shortly after Lily was born,

I was told,

 

 as your children age,

parenting becomes harder.

 

I thought this was just ridiculous

when I heard it.

 

I was in the throes of parental challenges.

My baby was 2 weeks old.

 

I knew everything.

 

Well, I knew enough to know that

I was in deep,

 and it was only going to get easier from here.

 

Has anyone ever tried changing

 a really disgusting, BLOW OUT diaper?

 

Has anyone had a sleepless night or two,

because their immobile baby was hungry and needed to lay next to them quietly

and nurse ALL through the night?
 

 

Who shared this sage advice?

 

Some idiot that didn't understand me

 or my situation?

 

Or not?

 

A mother, apparently, had shared this.

 

An experienced mother,

who likely lived through

 the newborn stage and beyond.

 

I don't even remember who it was,

but I can tell you now, I agree with her.

 

Whoever she is, the wisest woman I know.

 

Her and all the others that kept this

secret to themselves

and let me wallow

 in my new parenting challenges,

none the wiser to what was ahead.

 

I brought my sweet first born bundle of pink home from the hospital with a wing a prayer.

 

She turned into a fiercely opinionated toddler,

a charming preschooler,

a personality plus of an early elementary schooler,

and now suddenly she is 9 years old.

 

She is still all those things and a whole lot more.

 

She gets on my very last nerve.

 

So much, I fear I will actually lose my top.

Whatever that means.

 

 I lose it.

 

Often and plenty.

 

Not in front of her,

of course,

but in my own privacy.

 

Let's just say,

 Top Lost

 

Not in a sexy European vacation way.

 

In a OMG, the God's Might Be Crazy way.

 

She pulls the hardest on my heartstrings.

 

I spend entirely too much time worried about her.

 

My sleepless nights,

after frustrating days,

 watching her in dreamland,

are filled with so much more concern than

a happy cooing baby wanting my milk,

from the days of yesteryear.

 

She brings me joy and laughter,

 like no one before her.

 

We have a secret connection.

 

A sense of humor between us.

 

We get each other.

 

Totally and completely,

 in those moments,

when we can't stop laughing.

 

Perhaps, her laughing at me,

and me laughing at her,

 to start.

 

Until it changes and then one makes a remark

 and it all changes,

and suddenly,

she's got me laughing at me,

and I get her laughing at her.

 

And we are settled in peace and harmony

 in our mutually weird ways and understanding.

 

She is one of my closest friends.

 

And yes, I know.

 

I am the mom.

 

I won't try to be the cool mom,

when she is a teenager.

 

I just really, really like her.

 

And I can see, I will for all times.

 

And I can see where we are headed,

and she will stop liking me,

because I am the mom,

 for a while.

 

But in the end,

when our roles reverse,

she will like me,

 like a friend too.

 

We would choose each other,

if we weren't already connected

via umbilical cord.

 

But the best thing about Lily

is that she teaches me.

 

About me.

 

The grandest of lessons I could learn.

 

With her, I easily see my weaknesses.

 

The things about me,

 that have always been

my issues.

 

She is a mirror to me at every moment,

and I see my faults and failures,

all lite up in neon lights and dancing on stage.

 

And I know I need to work on those things.

 

 Fiercely.

 

She pushes me to grow.

 

She helps me to accept myself too.

 

She helps me to take all those things,

I have never been good at,

all those things that are a struggle for me,

and she wraps them up

in the best way as a gift to me,

with a card that says,

I love you,

no matter what.

 

Letting go and being breezy,

for instance,

are not my greatest strengths.

 

In her childlike way

she demands I do it.

 

So sometimes, I let go of my "so called" control.

 

I'm even a bit breezy.

Sometimes.

 

She celebrates me.

 

She adores me.

 

She can't get enough of me.

 

Even when I am in most worst state.

 

She just wants to be near me.

And she wants me to be happy.

 

Just happy.

 

Not productive.

 

Not perfect.

 

Just there with her and happy.

 

And this has been the greatest lesson

 of my entire life.

 

 Lily Lowe has been my greatest teacher.

 

And because she is always at my side,

and I have been shooing her away,

so I could write this,

I decided to read this to her right now.

 

And she responded with tears, a hug

and a nod of affirmation,

 that these words are true.

 

Hearing it outloud was music to her ears.

 

This motherhood thing?

 

Great, big, huge love.

 

The absolute best moments life has to offer.