Healing my Soul

Friends-

The day after Dad's burial I was 

whisked away to Ft. Lauderdale with D.

It was part work trip for him

and part 10 year anniversary trip for us.

The timing could not have been better.

I immediately got to escape the demands of my real life and instead demand myself

the time and space to recover.

Let me say this...quietly, so no one hears us... 

(I am not sure I would have done this on my own...
or survived without this trip).

 

 

I was in a sad, exhausted, desperate state of affairs upon arrival.

But the only thing I had to do was lay on a beach.

It felt like a possible first step. 

Putting one foot in front of the other
to find a place to lay down.
 

So I did.
 

The first day I woke myself up twice

with my own snores... and then a smile at myself,
for my own rude awakening.
 

Can you imagine my delight

to have finally slept soundly???
 

The sand, the air, the sound of the tide,
the sun, the hubby...

they all healed me.

The ocean is meditative and medicine for the soul.

 

To be honest, I felt guilty for a moment

for maybe (?) moving on a little from my own personal tragedy of Dad's passing.

 

I questioned the ever present and desirable option to sink into a deep state of depression
and self destruction.

I was thinking doing so

 would express my pain adequately.

However, I had the necessary

time and space and nature to intervene.
 

I realized quickly, that my failing

would be no tribute or legacy for my father.

That it would not change anything
about what has happened.

And, most importantly,

 it would not bring him back.

 

So what was left to do, Friends?
I didn't know,
so I just thought long and hard about my parents.

And myself, as a parent.

 

What do parents want?
 

What does my Dad wish for me?
 

Like most parents, (and me) 
 

he wants his children to shine and grow.
 

So I will.
 

Just as promised, in my New Years post,

despite the shocking news of my Dad.

 

In my Dad's passing I learned something
that my Mom, Dad and me
all have in common, 
that I never knew before.
We all love Paul Simon music.
 

I have been blessed with my parents.
 

The truth is, my Dad wasn't always there for me, in the way I wanted him to be.

The other truth is,

I know for sure he loved me the best he could.
 

I am blessed with this beautiful life,

and now that he is gone, 

 I feel even more passionate

about living my life to the fullest.

 

I do believe he is watching over me now.

 

I don't doubt he is singing
Paul Simon's "Father and Daughter" song...
 

"gonna watch you shine, gonna watch you grow, gonna paint a sign, so you'll always know..."

 

I saw his signs to me on my trip,

and I do know.

 

Enjoy the show.