Van Gogh

I was invited to a painting night with friends at a local wine bar

(hosted by Bottle and Bottega and if there is one in your area, I HIGHLY recommend!) 

I planned it for weeks and turned down many (3, to be specific, not that many) other offers for a night out. 

My popularity as "a girlfriend sort of girl" was ironically high in the past few weeks.

Normally, I am in demand, because I am "Lily and Charlotte's Mom",  a title I treasure, but it is not the same as just me, and is mostly about the girls.

But suddenly invites for things that involve...Just me!  Only me!...

started rolling in.

I enjoyed my brief popularity, of course.

And promptly turned EVERYTHING down.

Not going to play Bunco, not going to girls night out, not going to evening yoga.

I wanted this wine and paint thing to be the One Thing.

The One Thing I would be willing to leave my house for in the dark, and plan on, and expect others to change their schedules for, and mark it on our calendar like it was an appointment. 

Do I sound like a martyr?  Yes, I know.

As life would have it, Darin was asked to attend a last minute dinner interview on my wine and painting night.

Sometimes the best laid plans, don't go as planned.

Luckily, I was able to get a babysitter. 

I found a neighbor to take Lily to her dance class and back.

Lily ultimately choose to skip her dance class.

This was (secretly) a relief to me.

I didn't have to rely on a neighbor for the car pool.

I didn't have to rely on a dance mom, for a "just in case scenario"

Charlotte would be more comfortable with the babysitter, having Lily with her the whole time.

I felt guilty, naturally, for this whole ordeal over me wanting wine and paint.

The best part about it was the realization that we are family.

Our schedules are all important.

Mine included.

So we all have to be flexible for us to work as a whole, and on this occasion, Dad's work was important and YES, even "just" my night out mattered.

It mattered to me.

Therefore it mattered to my family (Darin for forking out the cash for a sitter, C for graciously accepting the sitter instead of a parent for the night, and mostly Lily, for missing out on a dance practice that she really did want to attend).

Thank you family.

Special thanks to Lily.

The coolest thing about Lily is that she doesn't stress about these things like I do.

She says "I am ok with it Mom.  Its ok."

About EVERYTHING.

When I think we are late to something, or I forgot her ponytail holder, or her water bottle, or anything she always says to me

"I'm ok with it, Mom.  Don't worry.  Its ok."

She calms me down.

So as much as I talk about her drama, I also have to be fair in reporting her easy going manner.  Her cool factor, that comes right from Dad and has nothing to do with me.

I let go of the guilt factor and had a wonderful time out of the house, drinking wine and finding my inner artist with friends.

I don't blame any of you for disagreeing with me.

For judging my selfish parenting here. 

I am embarrassed to admit it here for all (3 of you) to see.

But, for me, it was the best thing. 

And the least martyr-ish thing to do, in that moment.

My family supported me.

They are after all, not the ones I want to get away from, but instead the ones I want to come back to.

And I believe, that is what happens when you create an environment of mutual give and take.

And in this moment, it was mine to take.

And I did.