Me and my mentors and leaders and friends
Gosh, now that I am have been blogging for a year, it appears my life is so predictable! It is not. Yet, I have these annual events to be expected at certain times every year. The most recent is my annual work convention. To me, the dates and times are predictable, yes. The experience and story that evolves is not. This year it was located in Grapevine, Texas. Due to low budget I had little time to explore the city or spend anytime doing anything but working. Remember last years galavanating around Seattle enjoying myself, yet calling it "work"?
And last year I was so excited I couldn't race out the door fast enough. I NEEDED a break. I WANTED to go. This year was different. I left packing my bags until the early morning of my departure, and as the cab pulled up, I said good bye to my family and I cried and I didn't want to go. I was so consumed with overfunctioning for my family that I seriously didn't trust life would go on without me. I am aware this is not actually a problem for my family at all (my family does survive just fine without me) it is a problem of only mine instead.
Perhaps due to my inadequacies in leaving, my trip had a slow start. I felt disconnected from work. I felt like I didn't fit in. I wondered what am I doing here for work= away from my family, in the middle of resort, in the middle of a parking lot, NOT experiencing any sightseeing, and not doing such a good job at my "job"? I cried myself to sleep that night and cried myself awake the next morning. I think the fabulous hotel room I was in was conducive for this sort of grief. The silence, the aloneness, was my calling. I wondered how will I possibly make it through this convention.
And then..."it"happened. I stopped attempting to force and control every interaction. I stopped trying to influence any outcomes, I stopped concerning myself with my own ego and God forbid what any one else thought of me.
And I started, gradually, to BE. To allow. To welcome. To accept. Exactly what was happening.
And as it turns out I had the best convention experience to date (albeit the worst "vacation convention experience." as I never really saw Dallas or Grapevine outside of restaurants, convention centers, parking lots, conference rooms, or hotel rooms.)
In our booth at the show, I was lucky enough to sit my friend, Leslie Fox who also happens to be my company's CEO, and founder. I assisted in selling her newly written book on leadership, which was hot off the press (literally). Any time I can spend in the presence of Leslie Fox immediately lifts my functioning, growth, and passion to a higher level. The book sales started slow. Depressingly slow. But I kept my spirits high: as a believer in my company, the book, and Leslie.
And then...we starting talking, and sharing, and listening and consulting with attendees and Leslie's book started selling like hotcakes!!!!
Leslie is a mentor, a role model, and a LEADER. One of those people that always inspire, always bring you back to the best of you, and ask you the tough questions to bring you to the conclusions yourself. I can not speak highly enough about my job, my company, and mostly my fearless, pioneer leader of Leslie Fox. And for the past 3 days we have sat side by side selling her books together and when anyone asks her anything...she credited ME. How's that for humilty? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? This woman is just a couple steps up from Oprah, in my mind, and yet she admits to our audience, "somedays I come to work as my old pathological self, so I go to Heather's office, and she calms me by saying "how could you do this differently?"). The humility of Leslie is unearthly. (truth be told I have chocolate in my office and I think that might be what she is referring to. Plus on our lunch hours, I "let" her beat me at Scrabble. Like by hundreds of points when I am (secretly) trying my best with stupid four letter words).
Alas...I feel out of place at times, in my job. I am in Sales and it is new and I am learning and fumbling and falling and succeeding too. I have had many awesome mentors at Care. When I started I thought "when I grow up I want to be just like them". At this convention, I found my own voice. My own way...of relating to others, that feels comfortable to me. And it isn't following the ones before me. It is literally me being me and feeling good about that. And it is supported by all in my company. So I see, I do fit here.
So once again (as predicted?) I came home, fresh, renewed and inspired. My family did GREAT without me, and so did my job. As just a few days away I returned to a flourish of closed deals and activities. I receive no commission for this, but can't help but to suggest you go to http://www.leadingabusinessinanxioustimes.com/ to check out the book.
The egocentric best part? I really was missed. I hate to admit it, but its nice to know I am not so easily replaced in my home. Thanks Y'alls!
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