Herwig Christmas

Hi Friends,

 

I made the Herwig Christmas this year,

without incident.

#firsttimever?!whasup?

 

The weather worked in my favor.

The kids were in good health.

 

The stars aligned,

and me and my family showed up early,

responsibly

with delicious,

and delegated appetizers in hand,

for maybe,

 the first time ever.

#winning

 

I am missing the Big Guy that

made me part of this family.

 

Especially at holiday season.

 

(honestly, I ugly cried a lot and tried to keep it to myself)

 

Typically,

the only time I could count on seeing him,

was Christmas.

 

Without a doubt.

 

He missed his last Christmas gathering.

 

I missed the first Christmas gathering

after he was gone.

 

I am sad.

Yes, super sad.

 

Shock, and disbelief.

Still.

 

Maybe starting to accept.

 

All of it.

 

Just like the cycles of grief,

that the experts tell you about.

 

I am moving along through the tried

and true pattern of grief.

 

Here now...

 

I live to tell,

there is a golden nugget,

a silver lining,

a sense of presence,

that matters in my moments now,

more strongly than ever before.

 

I have extra gratitude,

because loss makes us feel our

feelings so much deeper,

right?

 

I am especially, super, thankful for all the love,

 that I have in my Herwig family.

 

 

 

Major love

to and from

my Grandma.

 

My closest connection to my Dad.

 

And his history,

and mine.

And ours.

 

I am the first born Granddaughter, after all,

and I get to keep that title forever.

 

I am also The Only 4th Generation Herwig,

to graduate from Lodi High.

 

I repeat this story because its

part of my claim to fame!

 

(and I love Grandma's story of me. True story.)

 

Grandma lived one door down from me during my

high school years.

 

She saw the boys cars coming in and out

of my driveway,

and wondered why none of them made it

to a family gathering,

until I met Darin in college.

 

She was a big fan of Gabe.

My beloved and belated prom date.

 

She loved him,

 because he shoveled her driveway.

 

Also, he was Methodist.

 

This holiday season,

I made a special shrine

for good Methodist Loves that I miss.

 Gabe and Grandpa.

 

 

She always (not subtly) suggested,

I just pick him and get on with it.

because he's so nice.

 

He was so nice.

True story.

Gabe was only my friend,

and a friend meant to be shared with many.

 

She fell in love with Darin upon arrival.

I think he said

"I love Heather and I am a Democrat."

 

It was over.

She included him as one of her grandsons.

 

I'm a big fan of hers.

 

She amazes me,

with her carry on attitude.

Especially, through loss.

 

At 92, she has lost a lot.

She grieves with grace.

 

 

I also have my Dad's
oldest and youngest sisters,

in my ring.

So grateful,
I am one of them.

 

We all grieve the man we lost.
 

But we have each other.
 

And time does march on.
 

 



With every sunrise,

a new day,

to treasure my treasures.

 

Every family gathering,

another moment to grieve,

with others,

missing the same person I miss.

 

And to know we are all part of something bigger.

 

Connected to each other.

 

I see my Dad in them.

 

They see my Dad in me.

 

Grandma,

Aunt Joan,

and Aunt Sarah.

 

I am blessed.

 

I can hardly even feel sorry for myself anymore,

because I am so lucky for all the love I have.

 

Peace, Friends!