Motherhood-ITS ELECTRIC!

Hello Friends!

Its been an incredibly busy week, with Darin working a lot and Reading Night at school and all the business that you already know about.

I have been acting as master dictator over here

repeating myself over and over again.

Begging my kids not to be kids,

but instead to be good little soldiers

and pick up after themselves,

eat their veggies,

brush their teeth

and those sort of important orders and commands.

The other night,

Lily was having an especially hard time

 with math homework.

(story of my life, and I pray for it not to be her story too)

Typically, Lily does her homework independently.

I have made a conscious choice not to check it.

I just ask if she did her best,

and let the feedback come from the teacher

where it means more, than from me.

I don't know if this is right or wrong, but I could see our power struggles and frustration at the beginning of the year when I would sit with her and read and review every problem,

so I made a decision not to do that.

I want Lily to be independent, responsible, and accountable for herself and completing her homework is a good lesson in those attributes.

However, on this day she needed help.

She didn't understand the questions.

So I attempted to help, and she got frustrated, wasn't getting it, and nearly gave up.

I was frustrated that I couldn't teach it and that she wasn't getting it

(and that she reminded me of me for that matter).

So it was a busy, and frustrating evening for us.

 

As a mother, I am very concerned with the daily minutia of my childrens' lives.

I want them to be healthy,

therefore I want them to drink their milk.

I want them to be responsible,

therefore I want them to bring their dinner dishes to the sink and hang up their coats.

I want them to be safe

so I sign them up for swimming lessons.

I spend most of my mothering life

concerned about these things.

And then, sometimes I can do all that and let them gladly get away from me and tear the house apart while I find a glass of wine and my phone with a friend on the other end

and successfully ignore them

for as long as I want to.

 

Is this mothering?

Is this all kids need, along with baths?

 

No.

No, its not.

When my babies were actual babies,

I would turn on a World Lullaby CD and hold them and dance with them

and cuddle them in the dark.

I would gaze into their eyes forever.

I would connect so deeply with their infant spirits that I could feel the electricity of love between us.

They still need that.

And so do I.

And I have gotten so off track

of being present with them.

I am not in homework time,

because my mind is already preparing a bath.

I am not at soccer practice,

 because my mind is preparing dinner.

Bedtime is Darin's normal gig around here.

Because he was working late,

I got the blessed opportunity

to caress those curly foreheads one by one.

Look into those wondrous eyes.

Listen to them with my heart and mind and spirit as they reviewed the days events.

And finally, when our hearts were beating as one, I sang their special lullabies.

And it healed me.

And I kick myself that I have been off track and a day has ever gone by when I may not have been present, because they are growing so fast.

But I treasure my wake up call.

My days are going to slow, and I am going to do my very best to be present in every moment that I can.

Life is short and I have wasted some time here, and I have some catching up to do. 

My kids need the same sort of unconditional love they had as infants.

We all do.

I am here to give it.