Dear Diary-Are you there Colorado? Its me, Heather.

I am off to Colorado tomorrow. For five days. Without D. Without Lily and Charlotte.
With my Mom, my Grandma, 3 of my aunties, and a dear cousin. Oh my!
Because of this trip coming up I am a mix of contradicting emotions and, as if pretending this is my Dear Dairy entry, I feel the need to document. This may provide, all three of you reading this, an insight to my fascinating mind. Go ahead. Call me Albert Einstein. Bob Dylan. Leonardo Da Vinci or Dicaprio for that matter. Madonna, maybe? (don't laugh, I love her.) I am One of the Great Minds. Thinking BIG thoughts. Vision. Insight. Go on...

1-I have never been away from the girls this long. I can't do it. I already miss them.
2-Lord help me, I am free. Good-bye dishes and laundry and an overtired Charlotte (did you really have to be so whiny today? Why are you acting like a 2 year old all of a sudden? This "terrible two stage", that I never experienced with you, should have passed by now. You are at 2 years and 2 months. Act your age, Child.)
3-Darin please keep up with laundry while I am gone. Could you change the sheets? At least sweep, if not mop?
4-Maybe I'll sit and watch the sunset, like I did while camping, when I am in the mountains.
5-Why don't I sit and watch the sunset here? I did it once when my Dad was here and it is pretty.
6-Am I seriously back to dishes and laundry already... aka the reason I don't watch the sunset here?
7-Oh God is this how I am going to be remembered? The witch who didn't stop complaining about nothing being clean enough?
8-I will go and enjoy. (Note to self. Must come back a better mom and wife. Must. It will make it all worth it.)
9-I am not all bad. Right? Feedback? I DID take the kids to the pool today (such a NICE mom). And a picnic lunch. And a frightening Cold Blooded Creature Show (as in Discovery Channel-like snakes and alligators and something called Dragonsomethingoranother) And enjoyed it. Well I enjoyed being with the girls. Not the creatures, naturally. But regardless I smiled and said "oh look at the Snakey, Snaker, Snake Ceci! How neat, how cool, right?" in a singsongy voice, like all "good Moms" do.
10-I am going to miss them at bedtime for sure. Tonight I rocked Charlotte so long and we stared into each others eyes and smirked and I just soaked up her little body laying on me, so much that I will still be able to taste it tomorrow, without her.
11-The whole time I was rocking Charlotte, I was also thinking about how moments early she was helping me pull things out of the dryer (always a helper and a neat freak, God love her) She reports who the items belong to upon retrieval. And she is always right. When it comes to something of hers, she smiles and says "CECI. Awww. Its Ceci's!" Isn't that cute? She calls herself Ceci and she awws at herself. Just like we all do! I LOVE her.
12-Lily was told to put on her jammies tonight. She bounced down the stairs moments later in jammies, big fluffy (winter) slippers, and an added bracelet on her wrist. I took a glance at the loud plodding slipper-clad Lily mosing through the house and said "Lil, did you put that bracelet on for bed?" She replies "Yup!" I LOVE her.
13-Lily and I read a double dose of Ramona Quimby tonight (my favorite childhood books) We promised to keep each other in our "Amens" coming up.
14-It is late. Everyone is in bed. Not me. The only Me-ness that I get in the day, happens late at night. Late being 10 pm, of course. And I stay up for this moment. Exhausted. Feeling like I am getting away. With something.
15-I have to get away.
16-I want to get away.
17-I can't wait to come home.
18-With D in charge things are not as clean. There will be no mopping, don't fool yourself. "Heather", I says to myself. This is MY Diary, remember? "He doesn't even know where the mop is."
19-D's approach to parenting and homemaking is different than mine. Darin nearly always has a smile on his face. He is always the best, in the ways that I am not. And vice versa, maybe?
20-I remind myself of my Grandma. And my mom.
21-I can't wait to see them.
22-They will understand.
23-Go to bed.
24-I love you Darin. I really do. I am sorry I am so busy with the laundry I don't tell you.
25-I think I will go ahead and do my laundry at my mom's and fill my luggage with clean laundry for the ride home. Good BRILLIANT thinking once again Einstein!
26-I think I will go ahead and enjoy myself. D and the girls are about to have their best time ever, with some added love from Grandma and Grandpa Lowe. They have plans that I want to be part of. They probably can't wait to get away from me!
27-We do have much more laundry than usual this week due to camping last weekend.
28-I wonder why D doesn't find camping as relaxing as I do???