The Nutcracker

Friends,

True confessional.

 

I like to tell myself,

(and others)

that I was in The Nutcracker.

 

A large exaggeration.

 

Revisionist history,

as Darin would say.

 

A big fat lie, actually.

 

Its time to come clean.

 

I wanted to dance in The Nutcracker.

 

The truth is...

My mom bought me private lessons,

to learn The Nutcracker Russian Dance.

 

And I auditioned,

scared as hell.

 

I was an amateur,

 around real dancers,

for the first time.

 

They scared me with their (over) stretching.

Their perfect hair in tight professional buns.

Their New York arrogant attitudes.

Their French ballet language.

Their experience standing up next to each other

and competing to win.

 

And guess what?

I didn't compare to them.

And I didn't make the cut.

 

And I didn't ever dance in The Nutcracker,

except in my mind.

 

So you can imagine my

excitement when Lily

auditioned for her dance school's

first ever Nutcracker Performance,

and received roles as an Angel and a Ginger.

 

With only 7 weeks,

they packed in hours of rehearsal

and put on a darling show.

 

I was so proud of Lily for her commitment

to this performance.

 

She never complained and was always

excited to practice.

 

She practiced at home.

 

She practiced in the grocery store.

 

She danced and danced and sang

and stretched for 7 weeks straight.

 

She missed out on things,

because she was at the dance studio.

 

Always at the dance studio.

 

I am really proud of her determination.

 

She had 2 shows on a Saturday,

a matinee and an evening show.

 

Grandma, Grandpa, Darci,

Cathie and Jesse attended her afternoon show,

and she did awesome.

She is so grown up

that Darin dropped her off early for the show,

and we arrived in our seats hours later.

 

I didn't help get her into her costume.

I didn't reapply her lipstick.

I didn't give her my last minute pep talk.

 

None of this is allowed

for a professional performance.

 

 I just arrived in my seat,
with my silent prayers,

and her fan club in tow.
 

Her first time on stage was

 for the start of Act II, after intermission.
She was the first dancer to leap on stage.

 

This meant it had been hours since I last saw her,

so when I got an accidental stalker-ish sneak peak at her backstage during intermission,

seeing her in costume for the first time,

I begged her to run to me,

which she gladly did.

 

She skipped right past the mad moms,

warning the girls not to go into the lobby,

and she was full excited anticipation
for her upcoming big debut!!!

 

Cathie was there with her phone,

and promptly got,

 my one and only picture,

of me and my girl in her beautiful Angel costume.

I reminded her...

 

"I will be right in that audience, Lily.

You won't be able to see me,

but you must know,

I am there watching you,

and I smiling and I am SO PROUD of you..."

 

and she ended it for me,

"...yes Mom, I know. And you'll be crying."

 

"Yes, Lily and I will be crying!!!

I believe in you, My Love!"

 

Lily performed beautifully.

Then came the evening show,

Julie, Hannah and Bailey

came to watch.

 

She was so excited to have her most important

peers in the audience.

 

This was her ultimate show off.

 

She got on stage

and she was so nervous.

 

It was absolutely,

 the most precious thing in the world.

 

Her moves were spot on,

but that face...

just shocked and thrilled and vulnerable.

 

I held Julie's hand and about died from love,

right there in the audience.

The Ginger Act

is the funniest scene of all.

 

Lily relaxed when she got to be funny,

and hear the audience respond with laughter.

 

Mama Ginger was a boy afterall,

and they all came out of her his skirt!

 There you have it, Friends.

My girl leaping on stage with The Nutcracker.

This has made all my dreams come true.

So what if I wasn't in The Nutcracker?

 

I am mothering one that is so much better and braver and more committed than me,

and I think that is even better.

 

I'll leave you with this, Friends.

You can stop bowing to me now,

I'm not a professional dancer afterall.

hahaha!

 

Clara: Oh Nutcracker. Stop bowing. We're friends aren't we.

Nutcracker: Always.